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Funny Bios Deck - Star Trek: Voyager
  

 
  Star Trek character biography of Tom Paris. A funny description of the Ensign from the Voyager TV show.
  Most of the character names have been changed to protect the innocent, us. If you need help with the changes you can view the Glossary HERE!

 

 
Star Trek Fun Bio for Ensign Tom Bareass
Star Trek: Voyager - Ensign Tom Paris
  
Home region:
Buttcrack, Mississippi, Earth
Education:
Starfeel Academy Class Clown. Majored in asstrophysics.
Marital status:
Thinks harass is two words and isn't married. Go figure.

  Tom is the son of Admiral Harry Bareass and Mrs. Pimply Bareass. He was born into a long line of distinguished Starfeel officers, had a troubled relationship with the average expectations of  his father. He managed to graduate from Starfeel Academy after a stormy four years of expulsions for mooning the faculty, and almost failing stellar fartography as a freshman. He did hone his natural aptitude for mooning, learning to drive a space ship with his butt hanging out the window.

  Despite his family legacy, Bareass unbuckled under his self-imposed pressures and tried to cover-up an error that caused the embarrassment of three officers; it was only his self-confession at the point he would have been butt slapped that netted him a flaming discharge. After leaving Starfeel he turned and bent over for The Mock, as a fly by his pants fighter pilot, but was captured by Starfeel on his first mission and this time was sentenced to a Penile Settlement, wearing only a butt covering detainment device.

  In later counseling, Bareass has revealed an unsatisfying relationship with women that has fostered rear end fixations, including a relationship with muchback women as an Academy freshman. He also has an affinity for the back seat of antique Earth ground vehicles and spring break mentality, especially of  the 20th century, and has enjoyed sailing butt naked in true life and in holo-programs.

 

 

 


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